So, when I started this blog - I promised you it would include all of my ups, downs and in-betweens. Currently, I'm on a rollercoaster that is throwing me all over the shop from natural turns in events.
However, on Saturday night, a particularly nasty event occurred which was all at the hands of another person, Kai - my ex - was up in Glasgow for the weekend visiting his Uncle. He had told me this plan earlier and I thought it was good, I'd rather him be surrounded by people that care about him than be by himself any time soon.
I thought we had ended things pretty amicably, despite the circumstances. So WHY did his 40-year old uncle feel the need to act like a complete juvenile and post a picture of Kai with another girl (who, by the way, looks completely out of both of our leagues) and the caption 'First hit and he strikes gold!' - Actually he made a typo and put 'he's strikes gold' but let's ignore that - I was surprised because I didn't get the lurching sick feeling in my stomach at the sight of him with another female, I just felt incredibly, incredibly pissed off. I thought there was going to be a much higher level of mutual respect? Did the 3 years really mean nothing? What had I done to deserve to be made to feel so worthless?
It wasn't as if I had been posting pictures of me with other men on social media or slutting it up around town, I've actually been practically living at work trying (and failing) to dig myself out of my overdraft. The ironic thing is, earlier that day, I had actually began to miss Kai for the first time in a long time, but the post soon put a stop to that.
And now I realise, this is a natural (albeit unnecessary) part of the break-up process. Of course, on Saturday night, I wanted to retaliate, I wanted to go out and sleep with 15 people and send Kai and his Uncle a lovely documentary of the entire thing, but ultimately, I can use this situation to be the bigger person here and walk away from it all, but that doesn't mean it hurts any less or that I am any less angry. In order to move on, the love that we felt for that person must turn to hate, briefly, so that we can detach ourselves from them and find something in someone else. I just didn't expect something so nasty and childish from someone who has only ever treated me with respect and love, but I guess we all go through phases and changes. I also HATE how in every breakup, social media is used to compete with each other, who can move on first, who can go on the most nights out, who can get the most attractive rebound shag - the only reason you're doing it is because you're still so wrapped up in what the other person is doing and thinking - it's the opposite of moving on, put the phone DOWN and go spend some time with yourself!!
Maybe this is karma for things I did in previous relationships, but I refuse to rise to someone's petty insults and snipes, I'd rather take a step back, breathe, and carry on moving on. But now I'm faced with the absolute dilemma of knowing that I have to spend 6 months in the same ski resort as Kai - when this ski season is supposed to be my getaway from everything. From his recent behaviour I'm guessing he mustn't be thrilled at the prospect either, but I guess we will find out as it goes on.
Is anybody going to ask for the film rights to my life yet or shall I keep going?
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