The Girl on the Stairs

"What really knocks me out is a book that, when you're all done reading it, you wish the author that wrote it was a terrific friend of yours and you could call him up on the phone whenever you felt like it. That doesn't happen much though." - J.D Salinger, Catcher in the Rye.

I've read since I can remember, aside from climbing trees and building dens, I was ever the girl on the stairs at my Grandpa's house. Hunched over in the natural light, eyes wide, knees up to my chest, buried in words that my brain was only beginning to understand, the only sound was that of the pages turning every minute or so and the hourly chime of the Grandfather clock.

There is no concept of time for books, your favourite adventure can span for years, whipping you from reality and into the middle of that quidditch match, or a sinister killer hunt, or even a light-hearted girlie romp on the streets of Paris. Wherever you want to go, it's all waiting for you on those pages.

Lately, I've realised that actually, despite studying law making me want to run for the hills and do nothing but exist in numb silence with 50 dogs for the next ten years, I do desire to have a career. I can see myself buried in a fort of books behind a desk, commissioning talented artists to showcase their visions on the covers of novels, working tirelessly at a job where I feel passionate about what I am doing. (Plus it would give me a handy insight into the workings of publishers for future reference when I am penning novels left right and centre.)

You may be a book person, or you may not (I don't know what went wrong with your childhood if this is the case, but I'm sorry -you've missed out) but regardless, I believe that there is the perfect book for everyone, whether its erotic fiction or a study on the life of mammals, everyone and everybody can escape.

What baffles me is, the amount of children currently in the younger generation who choose to sit for hours on a gaming console shooting things and wasting (not much) energy on something that isn't going to improve their intelligence, the way they speak, or their creativity. Plus, EVERYTHING IS THERE FOR YOU... WHERE IS YOUR IMAGINATION?
I want to firmly shake these children and beg them to introduce themselves to the foreign concept of those things with pages and words that create images only they can conjure up, the most precious thing about a book is that nobody sees the characters the way you do, nobody can see that dramatic mountainous landscape or dreary New York alleyway the way you can, it's all created by you, even the author himself can't control entirely how you see it.

I feel a genuine loss when I think of all the brilliant minds that are going to waste on pixelated screens, minds that will never know the joy you can get from The Very Hungry Caterpillar, The Faraway Tree and of course Harry Potter. Each book is a journey that changes you and the way you think, they open minds and expand the inner vision.

I can remember being five or six years old, legs crossed, wriggling in anticipation amongst my other classmates as we waited for our primary school teacher to read us our daily segment of 'Inkheart' - this is what I can remember as being the start of my love for books. After that, every opportunity I could get I was buying books, and once I got a library card, there was no stopping me.

Other prominent books from my childhood are the 'Animal Ark' books (which explains my obsession with dogs) and - don't judge - the Secret Unicorn series by Linda Chapman as well as the Famous Five and Faraway Tree books by Enid Blyton. I also read a lot of books about Ghosts and the Titanic, convinced that I could become a deep sea diver and find the ghost of Jack. It's safe to say, as a child, I was a crazy dolphin and dog fan with a desire to own a unicorn and live in a treehouse. Although, I can't say it's much different now.

The high school English side of things can dampen your spirits slightly when that arrives. For some people, I can imagine going from barely reading the name of the cereal you eat to heavy-ass Shakespeare soliloquys can damage that desire to read forever (as you can imagine, for a book nerd like me, this wasn't the case) but I hope to embark on a quest that changes this vision, and reinstates people's desire to read. A lot of us get bored with our own lives yet we find the time to complain, sitting there scrolling through social media with the enthusiasm of a carrot - but if we just picked up a good book, this could be changed, and we could be adventuring through exotic ancient lands at 8pm on a Monday night or even getting into bed with a tanned lover who has the body of a greek god on your lunch break (scandalous, I know).

In all seriousness, I urge you to find a book you are shamelessly passionate about and let yourself escape. For me, its a serious worry that this lifetime won't give me enough hours to spend turning those beloved pages.

Earth Treading Stars

(Disclaimer: my first ever post informed you that this blog was also going to include the 'struggles' of my life, you have been warned) 

So, I wrote my last happy-go-lucky, little Miss Positive blog post 3 days ago, 72 hours ago. So how is it that now, eyes puffy, tears streaming and chest heaving, that I am so down in the dumps? 

Plot twist: nothing has happened to make me feel so despaired.

Maybe it's my wonderful womanly hormones deciding that I was being too happy - as any female will know they tend to do that. 

Maybe the whole January blues thing isn't a myth after all and it's just hit me like a train tonight? 

Maybe it's the fact that my laptop decided to go full retard on me as I was attempting to do university prep due in tomorrow at 10am?

Or maybe, just maybe, as a 19 year old hormonal, confused hurricane I am allowed to have such volatile emotions, I mean for Christ sake at what other point in my life will I be studying law 16 hours a week (not including prep time which could be anything up to an additional 30 hours) at a fast pace, whilst also keeping a part time job, trying to maintain a happy relationship and trying to figure out what to do with my life oh AND also trying to have a social life? With no financial help and £12.000 worth of debt at the end of this nightmare? 

As you can imagine, I am internally (and occasionally out loud) screaming "WHY THE FXCK DID I SIGN MYSELF UP FOR THIS??!" 

But, several expletives, some dark thoughts and then a mental bitch slap across the face later, I have realised that I am fine - this won't last forever and it's okay to be confused. So what, I'm a 19 year old that doesn't currently have my shit together, I can guarantee I'm not the only one.... (please people back me up here) 

I find myself worrying about my relationship far more than anything else lately - it's the only thing I'm certain about and so what happens if that rug gets ripped from under my feet? I (by some miracle) get a city job in publishing offices or as a freelance writer and my tree surgeon snowboard fanatic boyfriend keeps it rural..... What happens then? Can I go out there as a brand new person by myself? All alone? 

And then some crazy shit that my Grandpa said a couple of years back comes into my head,  "it's foolish to run into the tide, it's much easier if you let it come to you" and I get it, life happens, it goes on, whatever will be will be. I worry about being in control when the true fact is, us mere mortals are never actually in control. 

There is a bigger plan put in place for every single one of us, we just have to embrace it and try not to mess up. 

I understand that this whole rambling may seem ridiculously petty to some people, like what the hell have I got to be bawling my eyes out for?! I'm healthy, at university, with an intact family and a loving boyfriend - but it's all about life's complexities, anything can get people down whether that's your umbrella deciding to turn itself inside out on a rain splattered, windy Monday morning or even just the tone of voice that someone uses on your bad day - whatever it is, when things build up, people need to get it out somehow, and I'm lucky enough to have people who give me the time of day to listen, or respond to my essay length texts - and the point of this blog is to reach out to you and ask you to be there for people like me - you have no idea how much it helps and how it chases those dark thoughts away, having someone there for you in your darkest hour(s) is more valuable than anything. 

Thank god for those people, the 'earth treading stars that make dark heaven light' - for showing me that there is a bigger plan, and that it is out of anybody's control. 

 

The Year of Dreams & Dreamers

2016. I have been waiting for you.

Apologies - if there are any readers still out there, thank you for your patience, I am back. One Christmas day, a messy New Years Eve, 2 exams and a snowboard holiday later and I am back bitches.

So, Twenty sixteen, let's get cracking. The year that I graduate and FINALLY break free from the shackles of education - the year that I can write to my hearts content, hop on a plane when I have a spare bit of cash, work shitty jobs and shitty hours just because I CAN!
Because I wont have a horrendous 2-hour university lecture in the morning!
Because I will never ever have to sit an exam ever again!
Ever!!!

Even though freedom doesn't exactly kick in until the 22nd June, (I still have 2 more exams and a two month stint in  Manchester - with a crazy relative I have never met - to get through) I cannot tell you how excited and optimistic I am about this year ahead. I have plans, dreams, ideas, and I know that I can make them a reality - and SO CAN ALL OF YOU! Dig those bloody dreams out of the closet and wear them every day - if it's travelling to the Himalayas and building a hut, go for it, if it's defying your severely right-wing conservative parents by getting a septum piercing, go for it, or even if it's just going mental and having that extra sugar in your morning coffee, I challenge you to grasp it by the horns and enjoy it, we are the one animal on this earth that wasn't really put here for any other purpose than to fuck things up - so I say do whatever the hell it is you want to do because you will only end up wishing you had done it - plus the people who have no sugar in their coffee are exactly that - bitter.

What on earth has spurred this crazy optimism you ask?
It is because I have turned a corner, Instead of stupid health promises we make to ourselves at the beginning of a new year that end up as neglected as those £40 running leggings you bought, I have decided to be more optimistic, to spread crazy joy instead of scowling at those who dare smile. I am the person with three sugars in my coffee, and I intend on sprinkling that damn sugar wherever I go (if you get my drift here.)

Also, I have a goal. Inspired by my parents dragging me around Europe in a box, (not literally I might add) and by my love for the lifestyle of the beat poets and blogger Foster Huntington, I am aiming at some point in 2016 to have saved enough for a Volkswagen Autosleeper Trident - for those who aren't automobile savvy, it is a campervan. I plan to save every penny I can, because I know that the day I can afford to slap that money down and drive off into the sunset in something that is truly mine, is the day I will feel like I have really accomplished something, To buy myself something that will take me (and hopefully Kai, if he's still hanging in there) out on the open and endless roads, allowing us to stop wherever, whenever, waking up to the views of a beach, forest, or even the back of a run down bloody gas station, wherever it may be, at least I will be free, excited and alive.

Everyone says that you have to go through the lows to get to the highs, but I am beginning to disagree - we make our own highs. All it takes is some good old optimism and good company. I believe there is something massive to be said for last minute plans with the most unexpected people, (Without wanting to sound like a white girl meme) in 2013 I was an insecure popular bitch, scared of (anything)heights trying to fit in, now I'm a love-spreading inner-hippie doing what I can to avoid mainstream bullshit jumping off kickers and cliffs, and I will say it, i'm proud of myself, I love the person that I have become and I'm beginning to love the life that I'm living.

Other goals that I have mentally set for 2016 are:
Learn French
See the Northern Lights
Start my first novel (yup, I'm dreaming big)
Complete my first Ski season
Make my loved ones feel loved
BE HAPPY