The big old L.

Since this breakup, all the thinking has made me realise - you know what is never found or lost at the right time?

Love.

Like an Arriva bus, love turns up when you least expect it, ploughing into you and splashing you with that dirty rain water or blasting you with such a gust of air that ensures everything goes everywhere. Or you lose it gradually when you're trying your best to hold on to it, running down the street with your shopping bags, red in the face and chasing something that is already gone, desperately trying to get there in time and failing. We are completely out of control as to when these things happen. (If you're a UK resident you will surely appreciate my Arriva reference... Never. On. Time.)

When you're single, settled and have managed to put off the urge to buy 50 cats and hole yourself up in a castle in Scotland, nothing comes, no spark, no electricity, nothing. But when your life is as complicated as it can possibly get, and there are so many doors of opportunity open to you, BOOM, there goes the fireworks, the whole bloody shebang, that love is there, that person, that being, that aura is yours - but it is never yours for the taking because the timing isn't right.

What does this lead to? Obviously you would say heartbreak, confusion, missing out on an opportunity because you were chasing something that was transparent? But what if this wasn't the case, what if the risk was worth taking and the gamble paid off, making you happier than you have ever been? What if the timing is only wrong because we tell ourselves that? When is it ever a good time to fall in love? Well I'm an incredibly overenthusiastic romanticist and I say when is it a goddamn BAD time to fall in love? Love is beautiful and amazing and shouldn't be taken for granted or pushed aside, it should be embraced and shared and we should all be dancing and singing and celebrating love because it is what outweighs everything else. Love overrides looks, money, war, time, circumstances, even death.

And what about lust? When does sex turn into making love? Is there a reasonable time scale for this or can it happen overnight?  Can a whirlwind romance stand the test of time? I would like to think so. I've got an old head - whilst I appreciate that it's good for some people to sleep around and experience things, I am a firm believer in fate and honestly I have so far lived a life like a movie, a tear jerker, a tragedy, a horror and a comedy but I can truly say the best part is the romance because it is unpredictable and surprises me every time. I'm not of the era where I desire to have multiple sexual partners and dates, I love the idea of keeping my numbers low and finding the one early so that I can spend more years with them and look into their eyes years from now and feel the same electricity as the first time they met. This idea is regarded as outdated and old fashioned but I believe in it.

Whilst we are on the topic - Without wanting to sound like a John Green/ Nicholas Sparks novel, What can we do, when we feel like we aren't good enough for the love that someone gives us?

When someone amazing enters your life and you feel utterly incapable of giving them the love they deserve. Someone inspiring, strong, selfless and amazing bursts into your life like colour into a sepia picture and you are completely at a loss - sure you give them what you can, what you think they need and want, but somehow it still doesn't feel enough. This doesn't always have to be wth sexual relationships either, recently in my friendships I have felt that I am undeserving of such attention, patience and unconditional love.

I guess this is when we don't feel worthy of someone because they are so above us, so we try our best to give them absolutely everything. When someone this amazing comes into your life, I think it's important that instead of stressing over what we can't give them, we should cherish every second with them, linger with every kiss and listen closely to every laugh and heartbeat, because we are lucky enough to have found such love. We are only a speck of dust on a tiny planet in a greater scheme of things, so when something truly amazing comes by, shouldn't we embrace it and feel it?